Our 48-Pound Chicken

After turning three, and spending now more than half her life with us, I'd have thought Fergie would have become a bit more self-assured. But it turns out, we don't have just a dog, we have a 48-pound chicken living with us.

"What was that?" Our fearless defender. (Photo: Glenn Cook)

Today I had to come home to meet the furnace repairman (don't ask), and on the way home listened in on a conference call from the office. I got home and walked into the house, and was not greeted by a wagging tail--which, we've come to learn, means she's upstairs on our bed, where she likes to spend as much time as we let her get away with. I walked around for a couple of minutes, while the muted speakerphone carried the voices of my colleagues' discussion.

After a minute or two I heard a series of "wuff"s from upstairs. Fergie was clearly calling out to whoever was in her house, and vaguely challenging whomever it might be, but interestingly, not coming down herself to check on the situation. And I could tell something was up: these were not her full-throated barks that she reserves when people come to her front door. I headed upstairs.

I found our ferocious pup on the bed, tail wagging, but shaking and shivering as I've never seen her before. She was so afraid of these odd voices she heard in her house, she was so very scared. And I would say she was scared $#!tless, but that's not accurate. Instead, it was a dark spot on the bedspread that told me she'd actually been scared pee-less.

Aw, Fergie…

I comforted her, she settled down, she finally approved of the speakerphone, and I set about tidying up and readying the comforter for the dry cleaner's. I've said before, her ferocious growling and barking at strangers and other dogs probably is her way of trying to bluff her way through what is actually scaring her silly. It's sometimes cute how she tries to defend us; it's sometimes embarrassing when she does it to neighbors or contractors coming to the house. But it's pure Fergie, and lumps and all, soggy bedspreads and all, I think we'll keep her.